so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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