I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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