next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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