I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
