I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
