She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
