now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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