Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
