I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
