y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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