It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
