and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
