dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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