Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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