ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
