lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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