theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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