how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
