in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
