I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
