I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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