I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
