we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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