Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
