Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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