You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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