i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
