I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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