I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
