She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
