i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
