Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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