Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
