I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
