I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
