Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
