i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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