I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
