my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
