You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
