i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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