I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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