Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
