I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
