I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
