I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
