Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
