Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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