found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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