Say something about gay babies.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
