Texts From Last Night

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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to use my car keys to open my door

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  I just started a sentence with yellow.

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  (778): I tried to use my car keys to open my door (1-778): I just started a sentence with yellow. http://tfl.nu/gagl
  Replies (9) Good night (1537) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Ur type is ready and willing

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  (503): PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type... (515): Ur type is ready and willing http://tfl.nu/9xaj
  Replies (13) Good night (1531) Bad night (483)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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  (614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward? http://tfl.nu/41t8
  Replies (34) Good night (1114) Bad night (8425)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.

  (904): View more from Florida

  You stay classy.

  (352): View more from Florida

  The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.

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  (352): I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF. (904): You stay classy. (352): The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on. http://tfl.nu/3w00
  Replies (18) Good night (664) Bad night (4605)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE

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  (845): I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE http://tfl.nu/lkt9
  Replies (37) Good night (474) Bad night (4256) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast

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  (306): coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast http://tfl.nu/g654
  Replies (19) Good night (4922) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth

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  (541): You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth http://tfl.nu/plwz
  Replies (47) Good night (1141) Bad night (5544) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us

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  (920): We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us http://tfl.nu/fe65
  Replies (16) Good night (3668) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro

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  (678): The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro http://tfl.nu/6idu
  Replies (13) Good night (3591) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.

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  (718): you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke. http://tfl.nu/vku6
  Replies (13) Good night (2818) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.

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  (313): It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks. http://tfl.nu/13qa
  Replies (15) Good night (1734) Bad night (978)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.

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  (801): If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke. http://tfl.nu/6dxv
  Replies (7) Good night (1553) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...

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  (310): may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy... http://tfl.nu/t47h
  Replies (11) Good night (501) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"

  (1-914): View more from New York

  New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak

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  (914): Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits" (1-914): New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak http://tfl.nu/prur
  Replies (8) Good night (1064) Bad night (226)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.

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  (973): The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave. http://tfl.nu/0jfg
  Replies (2) Good night (364) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt

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