Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
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I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious