i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?