After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
