her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
send nudes
from the living room?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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