wakey wakey hands off snakey
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?