My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.