Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
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tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating