he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.