How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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