I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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