I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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