I don't remember. Are we still dating?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
