She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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