so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
