Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
