I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
