omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
