Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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