Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
