just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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