So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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