Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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