When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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