it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
