I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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