i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
