Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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