I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
