Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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