whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
