You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
