Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
