remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
