it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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