My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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