Got a toothbrush?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
