He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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