i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
