but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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