That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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