Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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