Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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