Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
try to milk me bitch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
