my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
